a weekend in hell
on friday i had been experiencing some pain in my upper right thigh area and it didn't really seem to go away, but it didn't get worse. i cleaned my house as normal, ignoring it. finally, i decided to lay down and see if i could relax it.
once i laid down, the pain suddenly seemed much more severe. i felt a strange pinching sensation on my lower back that didn't go away no matter how i positioned myself. i started crying out of nowhere. i was so confused. i told my husband i didn't feel right and my back was hurting. he called me, heard my crying, and immediately left work to take me to the ER.
by the time he came to pick me up, i'd already been in pretty miserable pain for about half an hour. the car ride to the ER was only the beginning of hell at this point.
we get to the ER, and two women come rushing out to grab me, put me in a wheelchair, and are actually pushing past people to get me in. suddenly i'm in a room surrounded by 15 people, getting monitors stuck on me left and right, people yanking my clothes off, getting thrown into a gown, and being forced to lay on my back (which was so excruciating!!)
i'm being asked all these questions about the baby, no one is listening to me or my husband, they think i'm 35 for some reason lol (i'm 33, okay, let me age slowly), they keep asking me when my contractions started and i'm like, there aren't any! i'm in pain!! no one gives a single fuck about my pain, they're only concerned about the baby.
my husband has been sent off to move his car and he is reassured by an ER nurse he can come right back to be with me. when he comes back, the women at the desk give him a hard time and tells him no, he can't go back there. then the woman tells him they're taking me in for an emergency c-section?! which is psychotic, because again, i was not having contractions and no one had communicated with ME what they were planning on doing. i get wheeled off to labor and delivery, still crying and wailing in pain, hanging onto the side of the gurney for dear life because i absolutely cannot lay on my back. the nurses transporting me also literally rammed my hands into a door... classic.
my husband is finally able to meet up with me in labor & delivery. i'm being asked the same exact questions for the fourth and fifth time at this point by more nurses and i'm still in pain and shaking and sweating profusely and i'm like yelling answers and two different nurses try to tone police me - again, insane? my husband literally tells them, she is clearly in pain i don't think you need to be worried about or correcting her tone right now. amen, king! it is at this point they finally offer me a baby dose of fentanyl, which does absolutely nothing to help with my pain.
i get taken to a room and meet more nurses, where i am still being ignored because they only care about the baby. i wait a few more hours until someone finally offers me a baby dose of morphine, which also does literally nothing. they basically refuse to give me anything because i'm pregnant. at this point i'm like, fine take the baby out if it means i can actually get some goddamn pain relief!!! like what the fuck honestly.
i meet a new nurse and at this point we are optimistic she might actually be helpful, however, it turns out to be more of a show than anything substantial. she makes a big deal about helping manage my pain and how she's trying to get approval for some pump, but then leaves me for hours and never offers anything other than heat packs.
they then decide to do an MRI on me, which is another absolute nightmare. i get wheeled down to the MRI area. they force me onto a hard board and force me to lay on my back - things that are literally excruciatingly painful. my crying and wailing is still ignored. i somehow make it through the MRI and get wheeled back to the room. i am still not offered any pain relief. at this point i'm considering how much i literally want to die because i cannot believe it's been so many hours and not a single fucking person has done anything real to help me.
we are then wheeled off to a new unit called women's special care. it's around 10-11pm at this point. it's been over six hours of an 11 out of 10 debilitating pain with zero relief.
we meet the new nurse, and the former nurse and her make this strange show of how i'm here for pain management and my pain hasn't been managed and how they're gonna work on getting me this pump of meds and arguing with the doctors blah blah it's all bullshit.
this new night nurse almost completely abandons us. she brings me small a dose of oxy and just keeps repeating herself about waiting on the doctor... yeah yeah whatever. she says she'll be right back with muscle relaxers and then doesn't come back. for hours. i'm still crying and wailing and moaning and hanging onto the edge of the gurney. i have profusely sweat through my gown ten separate times at this point. the blankets are wet!! my poor husband attempts to get some sleep at my insistence. he wakes up and asks if she ever gave me the muscle relaxers and i'm like, no. he's like wtf. he calls the nurse station and she finally comes in just to say it's not scheduled until 5am. girl, fuck u!!! why did you say you would be right back????
my husband more than once, to more than one nurse, says, "my wife has a very high pain tolerance, so to see her like this in this condition, means she is SUFFERING. i feel like you are not taking her seriously because she isn't screaming bloody murder." because apparently even if you say over and over again your pain is an 11 out of 10, they won't believe you!!
at this point, they're doing the shift change. husband calls the nurse's station again asking for some heat packs to at least try and do something for me since nobody else will. ignored. he calls them again 30 mins later and they finally bring them in. the new morning nurse comes in and he lowkey goes off on her about how i've been in excruciating pain for over 18 hours and this isn't good for me, so it cannot possibly be good for the baby and what the fuck is going on.
she almost starts to argue back, but i mean, i am so visibly miserable and he's so exhausted and irate, she backs down. she comes back and apologizes profusely and says she's told the doctors to come ASAP. we wait another hour for them to finally show up, but she actually checks on us multiple times and stays while the doctors speak with us. she basically forces them to start me on a real pain management regiment.
i am loaded up on a few different meds and for the first time in literally over 18 hours, i am finally, finally able to experience relief from the excruciating and debilitating pain in my back (which had radiated to full body pain many hours ago at this point). i want to cry just because i actually feel better, even a little bit. i swear this nurse saved my life.
that was mid saturday. i had to stay all through the weekend, and didn't leave until about monday afternoon. sunday evening i spent throwing up all night because i had another useless night nurse who did not give a fuck about me.
but when we were finally discharged, the day nurse we had and loved was actually teary eyed about discharging us. i told her she saved my life, for real. we hugged it out. she told us more than once it was totally unethical i was left to be in that much pain for as long as i was and she is RIGHT.
it's unfathomable to me that i spent over 18 HOURS in the worst pain i have ever experienced in my entire life. 18 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! thinking about it makes me start fuming all over again. i am so so grateful to finally be home and be on the mend, every day is a little better, i am still in a lot of pain, but what a world of difference.